so much to say

and no clue where to start.

This should be common knowledge by now, but the wedding ceremony's been canceled. We're still getting married, just not the way we'd planned. No, we haven't set a new date or location. The next person who asks is getting a spork to the optic nerve. Moving on.

Speaking of moving, we're going to be downsizing to a slightly smaller apartment over Thanksgiving. Volunteers will be needed, because for reasons I can't discuss yet, I won't be able to help.

Got a phone call from my mother yesterday telling me that after her most recent chemo treatment, she got in the car with my dad and youngest sister, and they just started driving. Now they're in South Dakota with a tent and a couple of sleeping bags. The part that gets me is that they dropped the 13 year old off at a friend's house on their way to the treatment. And left her there. But they took the little one. This bothers me more than I can verbalize, because I distinctly remember them doing the same with me and my brother when we were little. They swear they were only gone for a few weeks, but in reality we were there long enough for me to start referring to the relatives I was staying with "Mom and Poppy." Dad's business is scheduled to reopen for business in two weeks, so we'll just have to see what happens. Good thing I wasn't planning a trip down to see them and get my car inspected like I was supposed to...

There should be more to come in the next few days. It's just hard to get back into the swing of posting when it's been such a long break.

SigOth Meme

While the Captain is out of town on business, a little meme to pass the time.

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Nicole. His middle name is Roger.

How long have you been together?
Together nearly two years and engaged since Christmas Eve (~5.5 weeks).

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About a month. Or maybe it was two weeks.

Who asked whom out?
He did, because I was still on the fence about whether I was ready for another relationship after the previous debacle.

How old are each of you?
I'm 23 and he's 25. Just enough of an age difference for me to call him old :)

Whose siblings do you see the most?
His sister lives in the same city as us. Other than that, all the siblings are in different states.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
That one, I can't talk about because the person(s) involved up to their elbows in that issue read here.

Did you go to the same school?
No. I went to high school in Pennsylvania and college in New York. He went to high school in New York and didn't go to college.

Are you from the same home town?
No. See above.

Who is smarter?
There are different kinds of smart. He's got enough knowledge in his head to take over the world with some duct tape, WD40, and a handful of clothespins. And I'm a forensic chemist. That's a whole different ballgame.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
When we're going out for the sake of going out, it's probably either this nifty little sit-down Chinese place out by his parents, or a Mexican joint in the artsy district. If we're just being lazy and don't want to cook, Taco Bell.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania.

Who has the craziest exes?
Short answer: He wins.

Who has the worst temper?
I do, but he's more verbal about his temper.

Who does the cooking?
Lately, I do, since I'm home several hours before him.

Who is the neat-freak?
Let's just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.

Who is more stubborn?
I am. Easily.

Who hogs the bed?
We alternate. Most nights lately, it's been the kitten.

Who wakes up earlier?
I do. I'm up at 5:30. He's up at 7:30.

Where was your first date?
I honestly don't remember.

Who is more jealous?
He is, and it's adorable.

How long did it take to get serious?
We moved in together 7 months after starting the relationship.

Who eats more?
He does, but being on prescription Speed will do that.

Who does the laundry?
He washes it. Then it sits there in a corner for the rest of forever.

Who's better with the computer?
I used to work for the Cow Box Computer Co, and he's essentially contracted by colleges to fix their servers. He knows significantly more than I do.

Who drives when you are together?
Depends on whose car we're taking. His car is a standard and I've never learned to drive one. He's not allowed to drive my car because with all the new-fangled gadgets in his car, he forgets how to drive one that doesn't have all the bells and whistles :)

requisite update

In the past month I have:

• moved into my first place that wasn't either a move out of desperation, or a college dorm
• quit my job at the Cow Box Computer Company
  
• got the Sweetest Kitten EverTM from the local humane society
  
• finally acquired furniture (and yet, I still sit on the floor...)
• and mostly have my computer back to a functional state. Unless I breathe on it.

moving day

Things are (as usual) pretty crazy around here. I'm getting ready to move into my own place (squee!) in three days, so right now I'm surrounded by boxes, newspapers, and a year's worth of Wegman's receipts. I've really got to learn to throw things away instead of stockpiling them in my desk until it's time to move again. I did this every year in college... Hopefully next time I'll be better about that.

Speaking of "next time," I'm hoping this will be my last move for a while. I think that they place I'm moving into will probably be my last, until I'm ready to buy a house.

It's odd... I feel like I'm pretending to be a grownup. Admittedly, I'm anxious about having to work out a new routine, but that's not something that's going to happen overnight.

This will probably be my last post from the current location, and once I'm all settled into the new place, I may even post some pictures.

A silver lining sometimes isn't enough

I don't remember where I left off with the story of my mother's latest cancer diagnosis and treatment. Frankly, I can't be bothered to dig through my archives to figure that out.

Long story short: Fourteen of the fifteen brain tumors have sufficiently shrunk to begin chemo. Unfortunately, that's not good enough.

There was another treatment that could be done to shrink that one last tumor. Initially, my mother refused to have that particular (last-ditch) treatment due to its name, which admittedly is kind of intimidating, especially to someone without much of an education.

She was coming up with any and every excuse she could to avoid having to go for the treatment. There wouldn't be anyone there on treatment days to make sure my 5 and 12 year old siblings would get to and from school. She couldn't take any more time off work without risking losing her job. So on and so forth.

Finally she changed her mind, at the last minute.

When she got to the appointment, she was told they couldn't continue with the treatment because the tumor was too big, and too close to her brain stem. The treatment would cause the tumor to swell, possibly severing her spinal chord.

That's it. No more treatments. No more false hope. No more wrong prognoses. Now we just wait.

It's over.

I'm not bitter. All techs taste like that.

For some reason lately, I'm finding more and more reasons to be full of angst and hate, and I'm not entirely sure where it's coming from. I'm being incredibly critical of everyone I come across, instead of just being harder on myself than everyone else tells me I should be.







(You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.)

My patience for listening to the same problems over and over again is practically nonexistent, whether socially or at work. You're having the exact same problem now as you do every x number of days/weeks/months? Don't you remember how it was resolved last time? You do? Oh, you don't want a solution or suggestion. You just want to rant. Gotcha. Ok. In that case, tell me you're simply ranting and that nothing I say unless it's 100% supportive (even if I think you're wrong) will be tolerated. Sitting back watching self-destructive behavior in a continuous loop will make anyone batty. You don't like your life, but when someone suggests you change what's making you unhappy, you balk. Call me a hypocrite if you want. I know I'm not innocent of this. I'm working on that.


(Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed.)

Unique calls at work are so few and far between that all my customers blend together and I no longer care what kind of inconvenience your broken computer is causing. My empathy towards people who can't afford to pay for the service or just plain don't want to is gone. You can't physically accomplish what I'm asking you to do? Call back when you have someone there to help. Your funds are limited and you can't buy more time now? Call back after your next paycheck. I'm not giving you subpar service because of your physical or financial limitations; I'm thinking of the other customers who are waiting 45 minutes to talk to a human because my coworkers can't seem to stick to the company policies. I'm treating you exactly the same as every other customer. No freebies, no coddling. Being disabled or broke doesn't entitle you to special treatment.

(Oh so many ways for me to show you how you dogma has abandoned you.)

So many people are offering unsolicited advise and trying to force their ideas and viewpoints on me that I swear to all that is holy - and quite a few things that aren't - that I'm going to snap. My anxiety has been in check for months. That has gone entirely out the window in the last couple weeks with all the impending changes. I know that I need to get out of this basement. That's all I've heard for the last 10 months, and I'm working on it. Everyone who knows my living situation is very vocal that I need to change it, and that I need to do it THEIR way, not mine. The Flanders, telling me that we need to stay until our debt is taken care of (indefinitely). Coworkers hounding me about moving into their apartment complex that's farther away and frankly, not a very nice place. I'm not even getting started on the fact that I was forced to register to vote in this state, despite not having any documentation to prove that I am in fact eligible to vote. So I'm registered, but that's not going to do me any good to show up to the polls since I can't prove who I am, or where I live.

Quiz Time!

The "How well do I know my significant other" quiz.

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Malcolm in the Middle, King of the Hill, Spin City, Family Guy, or Walker: Texas Ranger

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does s/he get on her/his salad?
Generally, Ranch.

3. What's one food s/he doesn't like?
Cottage cheese, and olives. Not together. Even as separate entities they're squick-worthy

4. You go out to the bar. What does s/he order?
Whiskey and coke during open bar, Crown Royal Manhattan afterwards.

5. Where did s/he go to high school?
Several different high schools in Penfield/Webster/Rochester NY.

6. What size shoe does s/he wear?
12 Mens.

7. If s/he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Books. Specifically, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

8. What is her/his favorite type of sandwich?
Roast beef and corned beef from DiBella's. (What, exactly, is corned beef anyway?"

9. What would this person eat every day if s/he could?
Anything that doesn't move fast enough to avoid the human garbage disposal.

10. What is her/his favorite cereal?
Coffee and either cereal or bagel, with a variety of toppings.

11. What would s/he never wear?
Polo shirts. All I have to say to explain that one is "Catholic school."

12. What is her/his favorite sports team?
Linux. (If you have to ask, you really don't know him.) - I'm totally cheating and keeping Tracie's answer here.

13. Who will s/he vote for?
Obama

14. Who is her/his best friend?
Me? Rob is probably a very close second.

15. What is something you do that s/he wishes you wouldn't do?
Volunteer him to do things I know he won't want to do... Like socializing with people I know he doesn't like.

16. How many states has s/he lived in?
One. Unless we're counting mental states.

17. What is her/his heritage?
Dad's side is Polish, Mom's is both Celtic and Polish.

18. You bake her/him a cake for her/his birthday; what kind of cake?
He's more likely to want Cake Batter ice cream.

19. Did s/he play sports in high school?
No.

20. What could s/he spend hours doing?
Video games, fark.com, or lost in a book.




How'd I do?