no wonder you're jaded

It's a fine line, deciding whether to tell someone something when you know there's a very real possibility that your good news may hurt them. In the end, you make the choice to tell them, knowing that you'd rather have them hear it from you than from a mutual friend. And in the end, you'd be wrong to have said anything.

I'm always wrong.

I always make the wrong choice.

Say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Or at least in the wrong order.

I didn't mean to hurt you, but I also know that's irrelevant at this point.

It's official now, him and I. We've been ring shopping, but we're not buying. Not yet. Not for a while, probably. Yeah, we've each got a bit of money saved up, but not enough. His is going into paying off the repairs on his current car, and then buying a new (used) car because this one won't pass inspection next month despite the hundreds of dollars of work that was just put into it.

The money I've got saved up has to be put towards a pair of surgeries I need if I ever want to be able to eat anything other than plain rice again. I've been diagnosed with not one, but two chronic conditions that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. Neither of which has a cure, not even a treatment that's got a reasonable chance of working.

We can't afford rent or groceries on a regular basis. If we could, we wouldn't still be living where we are. When my first paycheck was finally issued, I had $26.73 to my name. Not even enough to fill my gas tank.


I hear you. You're not alone.

Honest.